Why Get Help?

Getting help and extensive therapy makes an Abuse Survivor less likely
to go down the destructive paths of the following:



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Related Articles and New Stories;

13 Eye-Opening Confessions From Men In Abusive Relationships- Domestic Violence 2014

Psychology Today 2013: The Impact of Child Abuse Extends Well Into Adulthood

US Dept. of Health and Human Services 2013: Long-Term Consequences of Child Abuse and Neglect

Radio Interview: Hidden Trauma of Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse 

Psychology Today: Talking about Sexually Abused Boys and the Men they Become

WebMD: Help for Battered Men

Study of Verbal and Physical Abuse Have Similar Effects On Children



Many males try to ignore or deny the past abuse they have suffered.  You can run, but most of the time you cannot hide, from its effects.  In order to deal with severe abuse, victims often do what is called DISSOCIATION.  It is the concept of “tuning out” or “turning off” one’s mind in regard to something one does not want to face or simply cannot accept that is really happening to them because it is too horrible to bear.  It is a method of coping.  The problem with this particular coping mechanism is that the person learns to live in two different “realities”.  When the victim grows up, he may not even realize that he himself has become an abuser because he has employed dissociation tools to deal with those terrible things that have happened to him in the past, and he may use that denial to justify his own actions.  Some male offenders forget or “black out” when they are the ones administering the abuse.   Many abusers say things like, “I just snapped,” “I didn’t realize what I was doing,” or “I don’t remember what happened.”  One may not even realize that he/she is becoming an abuser.  Some abused men never abuse anyone else their entire lives, but the odds are stacked against them. 

Being abused is not a choice.  It is forced upon a person.  Even if a male is raped, the male body will be aroused by anyone who touches it in a sexual way.  This arousal does not mean, in fact, that the victim wanted or asked to be abused.  The victim should feel no shame or blame in the matter, but if he does not seek the help needed and grows up to be an offender or goes down a path of self destruction, then the abused would be at fault.

It is always better to be safe than sorry as the facts below attest:

Among male survivors, more than 70% seek psychological treatment for issues such as substance abuse, suicidal thoughts and attempted suicide. Males who have been sexually abused are more likely to violently victimize others.
(Darkness to Light)

Children are victimized by child prostitution. It is not easy on either the male or female child.  Boys, however, are forced to deal with their sexual identity as well as their sexual exploitation and victimization.

“WHEN SEXUALLY abused boys are not treated, society must later deal with the resulting problems, including crime, suicide, drug use and more sexual abuse, said the study’s author, Dr. William C. Holmes of the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine.”, “The earlier studies found that one-third of juvenile delinquents, 40 percent of sexual offenders and 76 percent of serial rapists report they were sexually abused as youngsters.”, “The suicide rate among sexually abused boys was 1½ to 14 times higher, and reports of multiple substance abuse among sixth-grade boys who were molested was 12 to 40 times greater.”, “Holmes said a review of the studies leads him to believe 10 percent to 20 percent of all boys are sexually abused in some way. But widely varying definitions of sexual abuse in the studies and differences in who was being studied make it difficult to accurately gauge the prevalence of sexual abuse.
(University of Pennsylvania)

Ryan Et Al reported that 63% of adolescent sexual offenders had witnessed interfamilial violence and 56% had experienced the loss of a parental figure.
(National Crime and Victimization Survey, NCVS)

Some of the most costly long-term effects are those associated with responding to adults who, because of earlier abuse, are involved in criminal activity. The report puts those costs at over $27.9 billion annually. It bases that figure on a National Institute of Justice study that estimates that 13 percent of all adult violence can be linked to earlier child maltreatment. The report also includes $7.2 billion in annual costs associated with juvenile delinquency, which is likewise linked to earlier abuse for many.
(Maas, Herrenkohl, & Sousa, 2008)

Substance Abuse, High-Risk Sex, and Sexual Violence: What’s the Connection?
Article by Rowan Frost, Community Outreach Liaison, Southern Arizona Center Against Sexual Assault.  When we care about someone who abuses substances, or puts themselves at risk for HIV repeatedly, we may have a difficult time understanding why they do things that are so obviously harmful. We may get angry and blame them, or accuse them of a lack of willpower. Unfortunately, they usually don’t understand why they are hurting themselves either, and our anger and judgment doesn’t help. There are clues, though, that may help professionals, family members, and the individuals we care about gain a better understanding of these behaviors. Research demonstrates that for both men and women, having experienced sexual violence is strongly associated with later substance abuse, high-risk sex, and other harmful behaviors. Learn more by reading the research.

Fifty serial killers who murdered for the primary goal of attaining sexual gratification, termed lust killers, were studied to determine the prevalence of childhood abuse. Information regarding the childhood abuse sustained by each killer was obtained primarily from biographical books, newspaper articles, and online sites. Abuse was categorized into physical abuse, sexual abuse, psychological abuse, and neglect and was then compared to societal norms from 2001. Abuse of all types excluding neglect was significantly higher in the serial killer population. For serial killers, the prevalence of physical abuse was 36%; sexual abuse was 26%; and psychological abuse was 50%. Neglect was equally prevalent in the serial killer (18%) and societal norm populations.
(Heather Mitchell and Michael G. Aamodt, Department of Psychology, Radford University, 24142 Radford, VA)

There is an alarmingly high rate of sexual abuse by females in the backgrounds of rapists, sex offenders and sexually aggressive men.
(59% (Petrovich and Templar, 1984), 66% (Groth,1979) and 80%(Briere and Smiljanich,1993)

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